PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just threw up on my dentist
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
