I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
