for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize