at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
