spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize