It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
