I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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