yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
