I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
