Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
