Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
