You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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