Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
