I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
