so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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