She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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