So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
