Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
