If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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