I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
