I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
