If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its about making memories worth repressing
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
