I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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