I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
