Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
