I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
