yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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