Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
