I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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