Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize