Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
