I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
