You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
