I wish I could teleport
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
