So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
