True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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