I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize