I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize