Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
