He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
