I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
too bad you live with your parents still
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize