he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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