Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
