this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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