i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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