sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
