I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
