census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
