I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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