Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
