420 ftw
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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