i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
