I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
