Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
FUCK WHALES
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
