I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wear drunk well.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
