I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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