So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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