She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
