God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
