He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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