best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
