separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize