I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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