She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
