I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
