my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
