I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
