just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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