I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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