she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
