help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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