Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize