Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
