he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
