Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize