Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
