he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
